8 Tease us like the dirty hornbags we are.
Honestly, you can do far more with one flash of eye contact than minutes of chicken-headery. Ignore all the rubbish you’ve heard about how we don’t like foreplay and tease the living hell out of us. Because our bits extend from our bodies several inches more than yours does, we get to see you in action much better. So make use of it. We want to see you taking in the view of our proud gentleman. Let us feel your breath on our balls. Give it a full minute before you start noshing away, and he’ll sink so far down into the couch when you do that he’ll be able to find approximately $7.82 in lost change and three remotes.

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